We Texted; We Didnt Text
“We texted; we didn’t text. Hurt and alone, I abused him digitally. He came over and stayed one hour and made sure I knew he wouldn’t be staying over. I felt like a whore and didn’t care. I didn’t have the energy to care. He left in a bad mood (no idea why) and I turned back on a TV show about the morbidly obese. It was becoming impossible to be pleasant. I wasn’t easy going, perky, positive, or happy enough for him; his influence on my emotional problems and my personality was an excruciating side effect of what we’d created. I bet this is where a dumb, boring, girlfriend comes in handy. Just shut up, smile and spread your legs.” - Pg. 228
We have all been here, the lover who won’t let you go but makes it clear he will never be yours. The phone rings, he has a free moment away from the girlfriend. Just enough time to come fuck you and turn you into a fury of emotions, those to which you never fully recover. Why is he here with me and not with his girlfriend? What does she give him that I don’t and vice versa? How did she lock him in? Girlfriend isn’t a supermodel, her personality is particularly dry and yet he loves her, she get to hold his hand in public and call him her man. He leaves and all I can think is that I am his dirty little secret, a toy to play with; he pays no consequence and knows I will never tell. The problem has to be me, the problem is me. How do I quit the unrequited?
